Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
jump out the window naked night went bad
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