There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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