I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
