All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
