Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
