YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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