I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
