How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
