i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to be your penis for a week.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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