Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
