Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
