Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

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(312): View more from Illinois

I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?

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(916): View more from California

So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.

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(562): View more from California

Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'

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