she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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