I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
