she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
