Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
