Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
