Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
