can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
