You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
