i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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