Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
