before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
