She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
