official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
