Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
