it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
