I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
