seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
