hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
