I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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