In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
