So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
