i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
