I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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