i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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