At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His hands were made for my vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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