Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
