Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
too bad you live with your parents still
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
