In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
