i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
