first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He better not be in your backpack
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
