Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
