I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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