I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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