Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
