im having a threesome with these popsicles
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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