she woke up with a sticky ear
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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