Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
