Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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