i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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