anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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