Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
