Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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