This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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