So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
