he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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